It’s not you, it’s me

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I realise it even as your skin is against mine,
And your lips leaving fiery trails on mine,
And your fingertips raking my scalp,
And your legs wound around my waist,
You aren’t here,
Your soul is miles apart,
And it has been so for such a long time that I’ve forgotten,
What it is like to make love to you,
Not just with your body and lust,
But with your soul and love too.

–  //Soul and love too//

We are dancing together,
Your mouth is smiling at me,
But your eyes are laughing,
Only not just at something I said,
You’re remembering a golden moment,
One like what we once used to share,
But now all we share are vacant looks, tired sighs and little white lies,
So you’ve found your golden moments elsewhere,
And left me here all alone,
To see a smile that smiles for me,
But not truly,
And eyes that laugh truly,
But not for me.

– //eyes that laugh a real laugh but smiles that smile all sad//

I feel it as you stand besides me,
In the kitchen as we cook,
And its just another chore for you,
A ritual you must perform,
To keep the facade that our lives have slowly turned into,
Intact.
And no longer is it,
What it once was,
Secret smiles shared over slices of tomatoes,
kisses stolen over sprinkling of spices,
Groping hands between stirring the soup,
And bursts of excitement as we served each other.

– //the kitchen is just another place to be//

it’s not you it’s me
I say the words that should have been spoken
A long time ago
When I knew that you knew that I did
But we were scared
Me of never finding love again
And you of breaking my heart
But I wish we had done this a long time ago
Because now my heart’s no longer broken
It’s just there
A muscle for pumping blood
Incapable of little else
And I hear it beat beneath my chest
And I wonder even in my certainty if it’s the right thing I’ve done
But then I see you
And you’re not heartbroken
Just glad that I spared myself the suffering
And I smile
Because we may not remain friends after this
But you’ve never wished me bad.

– //it’s not you it’s me//

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