It is very difficult to reconcile;
when you held my hand
and promised, to show me the world,
and each night
in a different room
with my face pressed against the pillow
so that my cries may stifle;
with the hand that held mine,
that very hand which promised to show me one world,
You plunged and destroyed another.
Do i feel strongly,
Nothing, nothing nothing
Not even strongly about this word
Repeating, singing repeating
for the sake of a cause I can no longer remember,
No longer care about anything but December
It’s my birthday, that’s why?
Am i arrogant, selfish, conceited, like a teenage girl
Don’t care again, again
This I ask eveytime
You ask me anything
I have embraced the modern pop culture
Of not caring, of not giving a damn
Of not giving any fucks, of ain’t having no jam
Don’t care, did I say it already?
Well who cares?
Apparently no one
We’re a mass movement of anarchy
Of lost history and geography
born from fear, capitalism and a state of democracy
Is it democracy?
The lines are all blurring,
even my speech is s l u r r i n g
What an excellent way to show
I don’t care,
I dont care
I’ll be on my way
Going along a road, that has been well formed by the million footsteps that preceded me.
The long road
not taken is
Hop on this bandwagon
We’re all sheeps of the same fleece
Raze us, graze us
We eat the same weeds, the same grass
Fiber, moral fiber. what is that?
We understand money,
Bitcoins, dollars and cash,
blank cheques and pots of gold,
There’s nothing here
the soul long sold
Don’t care, don’t care
empty flesh, empty heart
This is our end, and this is our start
We’re walled minds for humanity’s sake
We roll, smoke, snort and bake
Rotting skin and pink entrails
daddy’s dying in metal jail
None of us do,
We’re the blossoming generation
of a dying world.
Is your heart breaking like mine is?
Is it shattered into a trillion pulsing pieces.
Mine feel like they won’t ever be sewn back, my veins are throbbing in arms and I have an urge to rip them out, and I don’t like any part of me now, because no part of me now is a part of you.
And I hate meeting people we knew together, because every single one of their faces is a living reminder, that I’ll be seeing them now, without you with me, and I don’t like knowing anyone without you.
I want you besides me.
Is it still possible?
Can I hold your hand please?
Just once, can I taste you again?
I won’t ask again.
I’m a dirty liar, I’ll keep on asking, keep on asking you to come back home.
Come back to me.
Will you though?
Can you forgive what happened between us and come back?
Can we go back to the way we were?
I’m suffocating without you.
Did you take away my air too?
Should I hate you?
Cause I can’t seem to stop loving you.
Will hate heal me?
Time won’t, I know it, time won’t be able to touch these wounds.
You’re too real for me to ever forget.
Will my heart ever mend?
Can you love me again?
Will my tears ever stop?
It’s 3 am and it’s damn lonely without you.
I keep coming back to you
Even as you hurt me
Again and again
What a vicious circle of dependence and betrayal and craving and self destruction and addiction
I crawl on my knees
Because I’ve fallen in every sense of the word
And I beg you to take me back
I’m a junkie honestly
And the worst kind
But don’t for once think it’s you I crave for
It’s the pain
I’m a masochist
And you’re convenient
Standing by the shore
Looking into the sea
Who do your eyes search for?
I know they aren’t for me
Sitting in front of me
Holding my hand in yours
Whose were you hoping them to be
Not mine that’s for sure
You kiss me and it’s salty
I taste your tears now
If it isn’t I you want to be with
Then why’re you here, my love
You’re crying again and it hurts
You say you didn’t mean to break my heart
But darling you were never mine
And I knew it from the start