India Untitled.

I know India mothers

In its pulsating belly

(The epicentre of life)

A darkness that expands each day

And yet, each time

I can only feel

The rain on my skin

An ambled road carved into a field

Taking me home to sweet grains

And soft dal and warm hearth

The light that I capture in my eyes

Perhaps makes me truly blind

From the darkness that I just won’t let

Seep into my lashes.
R.S.


Dal: lentils

Two worlds.

It is very difficult to reconcile;

when you held my hand

and promised, to show me the world,

and each night

in a different room

with my face pressed against the pillow

so that my cries may stifle;

with the hand that held mine,

that very hand which promised to show me one world,

You plunged and destroyed another.

 

The spoken word on our beautiful generation

Do i feel strongly,
About anything?
Nothing, nothing nothing
Not even strongly about this word
Repeating, singing repeating
for the sake of a cause I can no longer remember,
No longer care about anything but December
Why? Why?
It’s my birthday, that’s why?
Am i arrogant, selfish, conceited, like a teenage girl
Don’t care again, again
This I ask eveytime
You ask me anything
I have embraced the modern pop culture
Of not caring, of not giving a damn
Of not giving any fucks, of ain’t having no jam
Don’t care, did I say it already?
Well who cares?
Apparently no one
We’re a mass movement of anarchy
Of lost history and geography
born from fear, capitalism and a state of democracy
Is it democracy?
The lines are all blurring,
even my speech is s l u r r i n g
What an excellent way to show
I don’t care,
I dont care
I’ll be on my way
Going along a road, that has been well formed by the million footsteps that preceded me.
The long road not taken is
overrated, overrated
Hop on this bandwagon
We’re all sheeps of the same fleece
Raze us, graze us
We eat the same weeds, the same grass
Fiber, moral fiber. what is that?
We understand money,
Bitcoins, dollars and cash,
blank cheques and pots of gold,
There’s nothing here
the soul long sold
Don’t care, don’t care
empty flesh, empty heart
This is our end, and this is our start
We’re walled minds for humanity’s sake
We roll, smoke, snort and bake
Rotting skin and pink entrails
daddy’s dying in metal jail
Who cares?
None of us do,
We’re the blossoming generation
of a dying world.

It’s 3 am and it’s damn lonely without you.

Is your heart breaking like mine is?
Is it shattered into a trillion pulsing pieces.
Mine feel like they won’t ever be sewn back, my veins are throbbing in arms and I have an urge to rip them out, and I don’t like any part of me now, because no part of me now is a part of you.
And I hate meeting people we knew together, because every single one of their faces is a living reminder, that I’ll be seeing them now, without you with me, and I don’t like knowing anyone without you.
I want you besides me.
Is it still possible?
Can I hold your hand please?
Just once, can I taste you again?
I won’t ask again.
I promise.
I’m a dirty liar, I’ll keep on asking, keep on asking you to come back home.
Come back to me.
Will you though?
Can you forgive what happened between us and come back?
Can we go back to the way we were?
I’m suffocating without you.
Did you take away my air too?
Should I hate you?
Cause I can’t seem to stop loving you.
Will hate heal me?
Time won’t, I know it, time won’t be able to touch these wounds.
You’re too real for me to ever forget.
Will my heart ever mend?
Can you love me again?
Will my tears ever stop?
It’s 3 am and it’s damn lonely without you.

I tell myself you’re convenient because saying otherwise would kill me

I keep coming back to you
Even as you hurt me
Again and again

What a vicious circle of dependence and betrayal and craving and self destruction and addiction

I crawl on my knees
Because I’ve fallen in every sense of the word
And I beg you to take me back

I’m a junkie honestly
And the worst kind
But don’t for once think it’s you I crave for
It’s the pain
I’m a masochist
And you’re convenient

Glutton for punishment

image

In the days of separation
That felt like years to me
I only dreamt of your smile
Your soft words unto me
I daydreamed of your touch
And the colour of your eyes
And words from a honey pot
That hid all your lies
I didn’t think much of the pinches
The angry red welts on my skin
Nothing of the dishonour
The shameful insult of my kin
I gladly forgot the hours
Of mind numbing despair
The minutes when looking into the mirror
all I did was stare
Not even a penny to the words
That speared through my bones
The burning sharp insults
That felt like hurled stones

So if you come back
And destroy me entirely
I won’t blame you
My soul it would seem
Is a glutton for your punishment

It’s not you, it’s me

image

I realise it even as your skin is against mine,
And your lips leaving fiery trails on mine,
And your fingertips raking my scalp,
And your legs wound around my waist,
You aren’t here,
Your soul is miles apart,
And it has been so for such a long time that I’ve forgotten,
What it is like to make love to you,
Not just with your body and lust,
But with your soul and love too.

–  //Soul and love too//

We are dancing together,
Your mouth is smiling at me,
But your eyes are laughing,
Only not just at something I said,
You’re remembering a golden moment,
One like what we once used to share,
But now all we share are vacant looks, tired sighs and little white lies,
So you’ve found your golden moments elsewhere,
And left me here all alone,
To see a smile that smiles for me,
But not truly,
And eyes that laugh truly,
But not for me.

– //eyes that laugh a real laugh but smiles that smile all sad//

I feel it as you stand besides me,
In the kitchen as we cook,
And its just another chore for you,
A ritual you must perform,
To keep the facade that our lives have slowly turned into,
Intact.
And no longer is it,
What it once was,
Secret smiles shared over slices of tomatoes,
kisses stolen over sprinkling of spices,
Groping hands between stirring the soup,
And bursts of excitement as we served each other.

– //the kitchen is just another place to be//

it’s not you it’s me
I say the words that should have been spoken
A long time ago
When I knew that you knew that I did
But we were scared
Me of never finding love again
And you of breaking my heart
But I wish we had done this a long time ago
Because now my heart’s no longer broken
It’s just there
A muscle for pumping blood
Incapable of little else
And I hear it beat beneath my chest
And I wonder even in my certainty if it’s the right thing I’ve done
But then I see you
And you’re not heartbroken
Just glad that I spared myself the suffering
And I smile
Because we may not remain friends after this
But you’ve never wished me bad.

– //it’s not you it’s me//